


To our love send a dozen white lilies, to our love send a coffin of wood

by sal_paradise



Series: Soft and Tender Gabriel Lorca aka  Fuck you Disco Writers [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, OT3, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, gabe has alot of love to give, gabriel lorca is a good pure boy, it's 2018 and i'm writing polyamory i'm living, katrina loves gabe and learns to love ash, the revival of a new ot3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 07:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13497764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/pseuds/sal_paradise
Summary: for my pal Kat-cornwell  who has been indulging me in  some great soft Gabriel Lorca ideasIn Which Gabriel Lorca has  got a nasty scar, Kat Cornwell realizes  sometimes relationships are not as black and white as they seem, Ash Tyler just loves everybody and everyone else has love to give





	To our love send a dozen white lilies, to our love send a coffin of wood

**Author's Note:**

> To our love send a dozen white lilies  
> To our love send a coffin of wood  
> To our love let all the pink-eyed pigeons coo  
> That people they just ain't no good  
> To our love send back all the letters  
> To our love a valentine of blood  
> To our love let all the jilted lovers cry  
> That people they just ain't no good ~ people they ain't no good- nick cave
> 
> you want to make Gabriel Lorca a villain? I say no.  
> fight me disco writers. fuck you guys

 

Gabriel Lorca was scared of himself.

He was terrified.

He hated what he had become, a monster in his own right. He was powerless.

 _Really Gabriel I knew you were pathetic but this bad?_ He closed his eyes with a groan- he didn't want to see him.

See himself.

He tucked himself harder into the wall.

 _Please_ he thought desperately. _Leave me alone._

 

Kat sighed as she watched him from the other side of the glass.

 

“How long has he been like this?”

“Since he got back, won't speak a word even under threat of court martial. Just hides himself in the corner” Culber frowned. “If I gave him something to hide under he would.”

Katrina bit her lip nervously.

“That’s why we called you Admiral.”

She rested a hand on the glass. She hadn’t been there when they found him. Chained up like an animal in the bottom of the ship. Bloody, bruised, shaking and nonverbal he had cowarded from pretty much everyone on Discovery- She had hoped to see him sooner but they hadn’t let her.

He suddenly turned towards her like he could sense her and she gasped.

His left side of his face had a large jagged scar that ran from the top of one eye to mid cheek. It was red gnarled looking.

Kat flinched

_When did that …_

“His double did it to him. The one thing I did get out of him was his double tried to murder him, told him he had pretty eyes and he needed to fix that.”

Kat swallowed the pain down. Fuck.

“Can I see him?”

Culber nodded “sure but… we’ll be monitoring him. He’s not well.”

“Has anyone else come to see him?”

“Lt. Ash Tyler stops by almost daily. He’s the only other person Lorca seems relaxed around.”

“Michael?”

Culber frowned. “he can't see her, whatever her he met there… was not someone that treated him well.”

Katrina sighed. _Damn.._

“Has he had any desire to leave?”

“No ma'am”

“Did you want to see him still?”

She swallowed her uneasiness and followed Culber as they entered the room. Lorca back peddled, his big blue eyes stuck on her.

Katrina froze.

“It’s okay Gabriel. She’s a friend. She’s going to come see you from now on okay?”

No response.

“Gabe it’s Katrina. Do you recognize me?” she ventured weakly

A sea of emotions crossed his face, confusion, hope, fear despair. He blinked at her and dropped his gaze.

He gave a brisk nod.

Yes .

Yes he knew her.

She took another step forward

“Gabe I missed you. I-” she extended her hand and it was a mistake.He flinched back his eyes hardening in anger.

“Please be careful it makes him nervous,” Culber muttered.

Kat froze, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Gabe? It’s just me okay? Can I come sit with you?”

There was some hesitancy and then a small nod. Slowly she moved forward keeping her hands out and open as she moved to sit by his side. She could feel him looking her over as if she was the one in need of medical care.

He was weary, stiff. He was ready to bolt should he need to.

It wasn’t like him.

She just sat. and took in his appearance. His hair was more so dotted with salt and pepper hairs. He had a light stubble on his face, his hands were drawn towards him as he sat. That usual natural stance as a leader was crushed. He looked like if no one spoke with him for long it would be too soon.

Eventually Culber came in and took her gently by the hand and led her out she turned to Gabe as she left and big blue eyes watched her go with interest.

Xxx

 

Katrina fell quickly into a pattern.

She woke in the morning, worked out, showered and went to see Gabriel.

Some days he seemed almost excited to see her. Others she found him shaking and trembling trying to get away from Culber.

 

It wasn’t the Gabriel she remembered. Gabriel Lorca was a natural alpha male. People gravitate to him. He held himself tall and proud and while he didn’t demand it, he was alright with all eyes on him. He was a fast thinker, quick on his feet; with this man however, he tried to make himself small, he would sooner have a pit open and swallow him whole.

 

She could feel his frustration as she helped him with fine motor skills he had lost, helped him shave, brush his hair and teeth, Ash did too apparently as sometime she found his hair gently tousled and styled; It was obvious Gabe wanted to do it on his own...but his hands trembled still. Culber said that would come with time.

Patience was a virtue…That Gabriel Lorca lacked.

 

He wanted to be well on his own time. He wanted to be well now. But it wasn’t to be. He was restless and fearful,something rare in Lorca, still despite the edginess His eyes were still as bright and alive as eve, but… he had changed..

He still hadn’t spoken.

“How long?” she asked.

 

Culber smiled weakly “ it’s up to him. When he feels safe he’ll start. Until then why don’t you talk to him? Lt. Tyler does and he’s opened up immensely.”

 

Katrina decided to see Lt. Tyler in action, as she stayed with Culber watching behind one way glass.

Ash arrived and Lorca looked up expectantly.

“Gabe it’s good to see you.”

He stuck out his hand and to her shock Lorca latched on almost immediately.

Katrina blinked.

He wouldn’t allow her to touch him, but this lieutenant he’s barely met…

“How does he?”

“He was a lieutenant on the alternate Lorca’s ship. Seems that he was rescued by him and they struck up a bond.”

“But he doesn’t know. this man…”

Culber shrugged “I don’t know you’d have to ask him.”

He watched as Lorca’s hand wove with Ash’s

 

He was telling him about some cottage on the lake on earth.Gabe simply watched with wide eyes and she saw it. The tiniest and lightest of smiles.

Something jumped and for a minute she saw the regular Gabe.

Slowly, Ash brushed his fingers over scarred knuckles and whispered something unintelligible into Gabe’s  ear.

Something hot and nervous squirmed in Kat.

But it was the first genuine emotion besides fear she had seen on Gabe; She couldn't fault him for that.

Xxxx’

The cycle continued, Kat was determined to bring her Gabe back.

Wake, workout, shower. Gabriel.

Almost every morning Ash was there too.

It was inevitable they would have to talk, he smiled sweetly at her, and showed respect for the woman who had helped him back on the Klingon ship.

 

Eventually he started bringing her coffee.

Almost black as midnight. Half a spoon of cream. Half a spoon of sugar.

“Morning Admiral.”

“Lieutenant”

Usually he was arriving as she left.

Kat was surprised when that morning Gabriel greeted her the minute she came in. He smiled.

He had started doing that and everytime her heart lifted a bit.

She loved it.

Lived for it.

She had started taking Dr. Culber’s advice, she just talked to him- told him stories.

“Do you remember the time we went to get Merkin?”

Lorca’s eyes lit up. He pointed enthusiastically to the purring ball of fur not that far away.

Kat laughed and picked up Merkin placing him gently into Gabe’s lap, where it purred louder.

“He missed you darling,” she muttered as she pat Merkin’s side. Lorca nodded as he pet the fuzzball protectively.

The mirror universe couldn’t take that away from him.

 

“It was before the Buran, still Academy days. We were put through the wringer and needed a break. We were off ship and exploring a planet when you saw him.” Merkin purred louder “he was dirty and beat up and he looked like a half hacked up hairball, he was hiding behind some dumpster. You picked him up told him he was going to be okay, snuck him onto the ship.We washed him in my room and remember we turned it into a movie day, got him bundled made popcorn and relaxed. Merkin took to you right away, you nursed him for weeks and I remember you were so excited when he purred for the first time.”

 

Lorca hummed content.

“We threw him a birthday party the first year you had him, put a little hat on him and made cake and got drunk.”

Lorca’s smile could light up a room as he clung to the tribble

For a second, Kat forgot his hardships, his pain. How he was and then she felt a small touch on her arm- Lorca’s hand found hers  holding it lightly

His eyes seemed to say thank you.

 

Xxxxx

Ash drank green tea.

Something she learned.

Katrina figured she’d return the favour, she was late that day so when she arrive with it in hand hoping  Ash was there. She didn't mean to interrupt as she went to drop off her belongings as she glanced at the two way mirror.

The lights were dimmed, so much so she thought no one was there until she saw a shuffle of movement. She squinted her eyes, in the dim room and found there were indeed two figures there.

There sitting side by side on the floor were Gabriel and Ash.

Ash was talking.

Kat knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but she couldn’t resist. She pressed the button to hear into the room as she peered in.

Under more scrutiny she realized one form was not upright.

Lorca was leaning heavily into Ash, clearly asleep head tucked into the crook of his neck.

She stared.

She can hear a soft voice speaking.

“I know I am a coward for not telling you this before”

Ash’s voice muttered.

“I know you’re not ...him”

Kat paused.

“But.. you saved me..”

He paused, his hand found Gabe’s “you saw me, when everyone just saw a prisoner ... for me I was a prisoner in every right- and”

Another pause.

“I wanted to say thank you. For not giving up on me, despite everything… I won’t leave you, I need you.”

Slowly, delicately he bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Kat could hear her heart thrumming in her ears. She felt nauseous she had walked in on something private she-

 _Ash had feelings for Gabriel._..

She needed to leave.

Leaving the tea simmering on the counter she left. His words ringing in her ears.

Xxxx

“Is everything alright Admiral?”

Katrina nodded into the comm screen.

It was not. She had put some distance between herself and Gabe. Her mind was still reeling. She had intervened in something private and nothing to do with her.

“Admiral?”

Katrina shook her head, “Yes Doctor, I’m just busy.”

Culber looked skeptical.

“Well Admiral, Gabriel has been asking for you-”

Kat began to say how was that possible he wasn’t speaking when Culber posted some images to the screen.

They were notes, hand scrawled notes, she recognized the writing at once.

It was Gabe’s.

The notes were short but in various degrees of steady and unsteady hand-the topic is the same.

The words are almost the same.

_Where’s Kat?_

_Is Kat coming today?_

_Did something happen to Katrina?_

_Please I want to see katrina._

 

Katrina felt her heart ache.

“Can you please come by?”

She nodded. Without much thought she grabbed her belongings and was out the door.

When she arrived she found both Ash and Culber looking worried.

“He won’t listen to us, won’t be consoled.” Ash said quietly. There was worry written all over his face. “He keeps asking for you.”

Katrina looked into the room, there pushed in a corner, knees drawn up to his chest was Lorca. He was shuddering and shaking and rocking back in forth.

“What happened?”

 

“I came by and he asked doctor Culber where you were. He said he didn’t know and he just started whimpering and shaking and he didn’t want us near him.”

“Can I see him?”

Culber nodded, “Yes let him know that you’re safe.”

Kat gave a nod as she entered his room,Gabriel had his face buried in his knees.

“Gabe?” she asked.

 

Slowly blue eyes marred by tears rose to meet her. “Hi darling what’s wrong?”

She was surprised when she was met with a high pitched whine; it was the first noise he had made.

Distress.

Concern.

Fear.

 

“Gabriel it’s okay I’m here.”

“Nothing happened to me I just-” her gaze drifted to where she knew a concerned Ash Tyler was watching“- have some issues I needed to work through. I’m sorry I didn't come see you; but I’m not leaving you.”

She took a gentle step towards him.

“I’m sorry my sweet one, I didn't mean to scare you.” He nodded into his knees, still not looking at her.

“Come on Gabe it’s okay,” she extended a hand to him which with trembling fingers he took and she eased him to his feet. She took a step back as she learned that space had become a issue for him since his return.

He stood there trembling looking more the beaten dog with a tail tucked between his legs then the proud wolf.

“You’re okay” she gave him a small smile. He looked at her with wide pain filled eyes.

“K-kat” he managed.

She Blinked.

He had spoken.

“K-kat p-please” she was surprised when he lifted his arms in longing. He wanted a hug, affectionate desperately.

She moved forward and he all but enveloped her in his embrace she felt his breath coming in sharp bursts as he clung to her.

She pulled back slightly taking in his tear streaked face. Slowly a hand came up to trace the contours of his gnarly scar.

“Oh my darling what did he do to you?” she managed.

He shook his head.

“I’m not-” he managed.

 _Me_ he wanted to say - _he broke me, he made me weak, he made me something I wasn’t._

He shook his head and buried into her.

“P-please don’t leave I’m sorry” he managed quietly into her shoulder.

Kat could feel the tears burning her eyes.

“I won’t I promise darling you won't be alone.”

 

Xxxxxx

Kat knew she had to talk to Ash.

What she had seen was eating at her. She needed answers.

Ash had agreed to meet her at her quarters.

He arrived promptly with a small batch of cookies he made as a peace offering as she made tea.

Ash looked nervous, it deaged him as he shuffled his feet and  waited for the water to boil for tea.

“I saw “ Katrina blurted out eventually as they settled into their tea. Ash jumped a little at the news but was silent. “I'm sorry I was listening but I saw you with Gabe, you were-.”

“- I know Katrina. I knew you were there.”

“How-”

“-the tea you left was still steaming. Look Katrina I never meant for you to find out this way.”

“- did you ever intend for me to find out?” it came out more bitter than she intended.

Ash frowned at this.

“Of course I did just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

Ash sighed he look flustered “I don’t know how to describe how I feel for him. That’s not the man I started to feel things things for on the Discovery.” He shake his head, “that was a lie, but he rescued me, he gave me a chance; he made me feel like I had a future to make a change and be part of something more… he used us … when I saw him again in the bottom of the ship, just a pitiful shell of a man, I found the same eyes staring at me pleading for help. I couldn’t look away…”

Ash looked away eyes down cast.

“I knew I wouldn't want to be alone in this situation I tried to give him what the other him gave to me- along the short way I got to see him again.” He smiled.“How his lips twitches when he smiles, how he would cradle my hand to his chest. I don't know him but the good feelings were the same. I was … I was home, I was wanted, I was needed ... I think I love him.”

 

Kat froze. She felt herself stiffen. Ash expected her to explode in anger, call him a homewrecker, a whore something ugly.

But instead she gave him a sad smile, “ I just always wanted to protect him from getting hurt. Since we joined Starfleet, but as we grew I knew I couldn't do that… I didn’t want him to be taken advantage of but Gabe always was like a wildfire, nothing could contain it fully. I shouldn't be surprised he can make others fall in love with him. Maybe I-”

_Maybe I don’t belong._

Ash caught her hand gently. She turned and he gave her a small smile.

“Please dont feel you have to go... He needs you too.”

She paused.

“I can’t do this by myself. He can’t do this by himself, he doesn't have many people who care for him like we do.”

“Please Kat he needs us.”

 

Xxxxxxx

 

“Gabe we have some news” Kat managed the next day.

Gabriel peered curiously about, both Ash and Kat were here.

“What’s g-going on?” Gabe managed

“Gabe we decided-that we want to help you...together.”

Gabriel's eyebrows raised in confusion.

We both care for you we wanted to help you heal… together like a  group.”

There was a pause then Gabe smiled a soft half smile his look said it was  what he had  truly wanted he let out a sigh

“Thank you.”

Xxxxxx

 

Kat figured she should get to know Ash. She was seeing him daily. She and Ash has lunch together often now. Sometimes they just sat with Gabriel. Talking, reading telling stories- Kat began to enjoy the  stories Ash had to tell, and looked forward to them as much as Gabe did.

Dr. Culber said having both of them in his life was helping him immensely he was talking again albeit, more quietly but still...

It wasn't uncommon Gabe now fell asleep, resting on one or another. Hand wrapped in theirs, at peace. Currently he was sleeping with his head pillowed in Ash’s lap while Katrina stroked his hair.

The look of love on Ash’s face melted her heart, the small upturn of his lips, the twinkle of joy as Gabe breathed calmly.

Inside her Kat felt the same.

“This is nice” Ash ventured.

She hummed in agreement.

Xxxx

 

Ash like home cooked meals.

Kat considered herself a decent cook.. She invites him over, she makes her pasta with homemade tomato sauce from actual earth tomatoes. He greets her warmly at the door, he was dressed in a casual  jean jacket,  that gives him a boyish charm. He smiles and despite herself a warm emotion fills her as he gifts her a bunch of beautiful purple chrysanthemums.

Her favourite.

She smiles deeply “Gabe told you?”

Ash looked bashful “ he said purple was your favourite colour.”

Katrina smiled into the flowers _he remembered._

She invites him in, and offers him a glass of wine which he graciously accepts.

Katrina preps the meal as Ash browses her apartment, only suddenly to have something fuzzy brush by legs.

Ash looks down to find a beautiful Bengal pattern cat, it mewed up at him.

“Well hello who are you?”

“ His name is Churro.”

Ash jumped Kat was smiling lightly at him from the door.

“Dinner’s ready”

Xxx

“So Churro eh?”

“Gabe named him, said he looked like the dessert.”

Ash snickered.

“You have any pets?”

“Just plants, I’m too busy for much else” he replied honestly.

“What do you have?”

“ A cactus and a aloe plant.”

“ Do you talk to them?”

Ash chuckled “ do you talk to Churro?”

“Yes all the time.What are their names?”

“Sol and Verde”

Katrina let out a gentle laugh, it sounded like bells chiming. Ash felt a thrill go through him; He couldn't help take in her appearance, her hair hung loose over her slender figure, she was dressed smartly in a blouse and slacks, her lips a peach hue that made her skin glow, she looked comfortable and carefree.

 

They ate in peace breaking every now and again for conversation. The food was delicious.

They spoke of things non related to Starfleet: books, (Ash like road trips adventure books he was fond of Kerouac- Kat like biographies) movies (Kat like horror Ash liked Rom-Com’s) food (they both agreed they’d eat anything.)

 

After several glasses of wine Kat suggested a movie- she went easy on him knowing his past- Ash cringed through some of it, some scenes were intense, his hand found hers at some point as they shared a blanket with Churro between then.

At last it was time to go, she walked him to the door

“Thanks for this”

“No thank you. I didn’t nothing.”

Ash shook his head “ ever since the Voq thing I haven't felt myself- I’ve been going to therapy, trying to heal myself but “ He shook his head slightly “ people  treat me different...some fear me.. They think I’m Voq. I try not to let it get to me but it does. This was the most I have felt like a person in months. So you did more than you think.”

 

Kat paused. She didn't know. She didn't know what he went through.

She smiled “ thank you for everything, for what you’ve done for Gabe. And me, I’m glad I’m not alone in this.”

Ash smiled :you’re not” slowly he bent down and placed a delicate kiss on her cheek.

“Until next time?”

“Until next time.”

Both had butterflies in their stomach as they walked away.

Xxxxx

Gabriel had improved immensely.

Ash continued to grow his bond with Katrina and Lorca, he hadn’t felt this complete in years.

They ate together,spent  free time together and  were there for  eachother. So Much so Dr. Culber thought he was ready to go back in the field.

“Nothing crazy just getting him back to the ship let him reaquinate himself with people.”

Kat frowned

“Are you sure?”

“As much as you two have been helpful, he needs to meet and talk to others again.”

Ash nodded.

“It will be good for him, right Gabe?”

Gabriel gave a small nod, he tried to hold himself the same way he did before but it was more halting now. Kat noticed he had developed a almost nervous tick. He touched his scar as if to remind himself it was there.

 

“We got you your uniform Captain” Culber said with a smile. Go get changed.”

He nodded.

 

Gabriel changed slowly in front of mirror he was trying to not let his mind go _there -_  to what was nagging him.

_You’ll look just like him._

_No I’m not him I’m-_

_Better than him? Please you’re damaged goods Gabriel Lorca! At least he could hold it together_

Gabe bit down on a whine that attempted to escape his throat.

 

Finally he stood in front of the mirror clad in blue and gold, trying not shake as he stared himself in the eye. Kat and Ash had helped him shave and cut his hair. He was looking at himself for the first time in a long time. The scar made a cutting image on his face, it took away from his usually soothing eyes and made him more intense...more like _him_ there was no way around it

It was a part of him now.

_You can do it. He told himself._

_Yes Gabriel let them see you now that the inside matches the outside.”_

Gabe whined low in his throat, shaking his head.

_They're afraid of you._

_They're not._

_They are; they don’t know you-they fear what they don't know._

_No- no they see me - they-_

“Gabriel?”

Gabriel snapped out of it

Someone was knocking on the door.

It was Ash.

“ you alright?”

“Ye-yes he managed. “I’ll be right out.”

Giving himself one final look he opened the door where Kat and Ash waited smiling gently.

“Looking good Gabe” Kat said smiling .

He returned the smile shakily

“Let’s get this over with.”

Xxxxx

 

Their eyes.

He knew they  were staring.

He was walking down the halls to the bridge on the Discovery. Ash and Katrina flanked his sides.

They passed a group of cadets and he saw their prying eyes

The pit of his stomach dropped away. _He needed to get out of here. He didn't belong here he-_

 _That’s right_ a  voice spoke up in the back of his mind-

_There's no place for you here Lorca._

Gabe could feel his heart start to rabbit in his chest as they passed another group

He could hear their whispering.

 _“Isn't_ that-”

“It couldn't be-”

“-I thought he-”

“Wasn't he with them?”

“Gabe?”

_Kat._

_Kat’s voice_

He opened his eyes

Her anxious gaze  was on his. He could feel Ash’s presence on his other side,it was all he had known in his recovery.

It was his  safe space.

With them.

He  breathed in  he just gave her a nod as they entered  the bridge where the Discovery was being helmed by Saru.

The Kelpien  got to his feet coming to greet them.

“Captain Lorca it’s good to see you back sir”

“Please, no captain, you’re the captain now...just Lorca”

Saru nodded uneasily.

“It’s good to have you back sir, you’ll see everything is in top shape-”

But Gabriel wasn’t listening...

Heis eyes  were  fixed on another  form, There on the bridge in her usual position was Michael Burnham.

She turned and caught his gaze.

And the world went to hell.

_What did you do Gabriel?_

The voice in his head asked

_N-nothing it wasnt me!_

_Bullshit you’re just like him_ the voice in his head sneered in glee.

_I’m not._

T _hey only see a monster now. Did you see the look Burnham gave you she's disgusted she knows._

_It wasn't  me._

_But all she sees is him..._

_He can’t  breathe_

_He’s suffocating._

_It’s  too bright._

_“_ Gabe?” Ash's voice cuts slightly through the din, he sounds  worried.

_He can't be here. He can't be with them._

He  can hear his  wheezing  breath..

_He’s got nowhere  to go._

_He’s trapped._

“- aving a- ttck” he hears a chopped statement nearby

“He  needs to-”

“Computer, Lorca’s  ready room For 3”

The panic  noise  and the  din drops away all at once.

Gabriel is on all fours  trying to force  a breath  past his seizing lungs

He’s going to-

_He’s going to-_

**_“Gabriel”_ **

There’s suddenly hands on the side of his face holding him in place. Trying to ground him.

“Gabriel please, I  know  it’s hard but please just look at me.”

_He knows that  voice that’s  his ...his…_

Katrina.

His Kat.

Slowly he lift his gaze  from his carpet steadily up the form of the person crouched in front of him.

He can read the panic  clearly  in her eyes. They are wide, full of fear.

“K-k-kat” he wheezes out.

 A  flitting smile  passes her lips

“Yes darling it’s me.You’re safe”

“A-ash” he manages.”

“He’s here Gabe.”

Ash’s hand comes into line of view, it’s  trembling slightly.

“Gabe-”

“A-ash please”

Ash leans down coming into his line of view “ darling it’s okay you’re here with us you’re safe. I promise.”

Gabriel wants nothing more then to get lost in the depths of Ash’s deep warm brown eyes he tries his best to nod to believe him.

God how he wanted so badly to believe him

He grabs onto Ash’s hand drawing it to his chest.

“Please don’t leave me . I  can’t- I can’t” he stammered

“Gabriel we’re here  with you. I promise” Ash take his face in his hands and and places a tender kiss to his lips.

Gabe sobs brokenly as he pulls away “I’m a monster they all look at me like I’m - I’m- “

Kat who had her hand firmly twined in Gabe’s stops him “-you’re not, you never could be and if they  can’t see that it’s on them. You’re a good person Gabriel Lorca and  a great Captain… I love you…”

Katrina gaze lifted to see Ash’s gentle one looking back at her he gave her a small nod. “- we love you.” she finished

Slowly, with Ash’s help they help him to the bed one either side, he sobbed quietly into Katrina’s shoulder as she rubbed soothing circles in his back.Ash cushions him between them.

It was too soon, there was still much to be done before Lorca could return. Ash and Kat  hated to see him in pain,he had suffered more than man should...

 

“I’m sorry” he managed in a croaky voice “I’m sorry that I-”

  
“Gabe stop.” Ash managed softly “ You’re doing all you can. You’ve been through horrible things,things  that neither Kat nor I  or anyone can understand-but you made it. You’re stronger than you know and that mark on your face just  proves it.” Ash gave him a small smile “ you’re one of the most beautiful people I know, I won't let you do this alone. I know how hard it can be to ask for what we need. So I’ll tell you what I need and you can tell me if you’re okay with it alright?”

From his position Gabe nods, bloodshot eyes  stuck on him.

“I need you Gabriel Lorca in my life. I need you to remind me that new beginnings are possible, that  love  can take any form, that hurting doesn't mean you can’t heal. I need you for those big  beautiful eyes that make me gasp in wonder every day and that little crooked smile that just does things to me. I need you because you complete me-”

 

“ I love you.” Ash managed, slowly, his lips  grazed Gabe’s who latched on hungrily he all but whined into the kiss hungry for the affection, to be wanted and loved by someone.His fingers  scramble desperately at Ash’s chest  trying to anchor himself in his love. Gently,with a soft kiss to nose and forehead which got a spark of a smile from Gabe he pulled away.

 

Gabe was staring but Ash’s gaze was now on Kat her eyes looking back deeply into his.

“Both of you… you complete me.”

Kat blinked.

_Was he?_

_Was he saying  what she thought?_

A giddy nervousness spread through her.

All those emotions that had been growing in Kat over these weeks boiled to the surface, _was he saying?_

 _Before_ she could process it further  a delicate  touch to her cheek brought her back to the present, Ash was leaning forward bringing his lips to hers.His lips were soft and tender, confident as he deepened the kiss and she let him, their touches were questioning and curious, two explorers in uncharted  territory

Finally Ash pulled away slightly, his lips swollen his eyes bright “ I love you too.” he managed

Kat nodded she had never felt so wanted, as Gabe leaned in brushing her  hair back delicately and gently pressed a kiss to her shoulder, her neck.  Kat let out a small giggle as her lips found Gabe’s

It was something different she thought as Ash’s arms circled the two of them and lowered them to the bed. Gabe tucked between them, Ash and Kat’s hand’s joined on top of him, protecting him, loving him.

It  was different.

But it was home.

None of them could ask for anything more.

**Author's Note:**

> hit meee uppp life-on-the-geek-side


End file.
